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I am nothing

I am nothing if not my word. I'm not sure where I first heard that, but it has stuck with me. What am I if not my word?

I am an amalgamation of my life experiences and the decisions I have mode regarding my feelings about them. My feelings can change in a flash. I ride a wave from righteous indignation to humility with integrity and back sometimes on an hourly cycle. Oh, who am I kidding, sometimes it only takes 30 seconds. If I can be that flexible in my ability to shift my views, there must be something that keeps me grounded. The only thing I can think of is my word. I am nothing if not my word.

I often shift my views because of discomfort. Not too dissimilar to finding a more comfortable position when sitting in an uncomfortable chair. My back starts to ache because of the rusty parts of my spine and there is nothing for it, I have to move. My brain sometimes functions in the same way. Staleness of remedy causes me to look elsewhere and I can get distracted from what's true. Where does truth live if not in my word?

I don't always like it. In fact, sometimes it eats at me until my stomach feels raw and the space behind my eyes feels hollow. Ego eats humility for breakfast and there is only the quiet hiss of the radiator to keep me company. But in the core of me, down where the monsters of my brain have no passage, there is my word. What am I, if not my word?

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